I've said goodbye.
Sep. 13th, 2008 08:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amaeFirst off:
Pass a Secret Note ✘ Meme
Because I like these types of memes.
This weekend has been a long, tiresome ordeal. But yet, for the first time in the past two weeks I've felt some peace of mind.
I'm at home right now until Monday, and we just got done with the funeral and services for my late father. It's amazing how you can fool yourself that things are going fine but when you confront the issue at hand it becomes all the more painful. While I was at school I thought things were going relatively fine, but it didn't take more than an hour or so back at home to fall apart once more. These past days have been so painful, I can't even describe it all...but it all really needed to happen.
I think it was yesterday when we got to view the body before we buried it that I realized that...that wasn't my father. It wasn't. Gone was the life and the smile and the joy that I had so associated with him...it was just what was left of the vessel that housed him while he was here with us. Nonetheless, that didn't stop me from going into near hysterics today when we finally put the casket into the ground. I guess it was was so upsetting because it was at that moment that we all had to realize that he really was gone. I was miserable for most of today until it was time for the program the college had set up to honor my father had started.
As we went into the auditorium I realized that it was nearly full. This was an auditorium I remember using for my orchestra concerts in high school--the amount of people there was astounding. And they were all there for my father. Because he had made an impact on all of their lives. Throughout the program we heard countless testimonies and stories from people--some we knew, some we didn't--recounting their memories of my father, and just what he meant to them. I always knew that my father knew a lot of people, but to actually see (and see just how important he was in so many people's lives) this all was amazing. I'm not even conveying it right...suffice it to say that for one man to successfully take on as many roles as my father did is remarkable. The son of Northern Ghanaian royalty, it is amazing that that title is probably the least relevant label in relation to his actual life.
Among my three other siblings we were trying to figure out who was going to read the tribute for my father that my older sister wrote in front of everyone. I originally outright refused because it seemed that it was taking all the will in my body to keep me from falling apart. However, as time neared for us to go up, I realized that not presenting this tribute would be more of a disservice to my father and myself than avoiding it, so I decided to go up and speak on behalf of all of his children. And you know what? I didn't cry, not once. To be honest, I felt a calmness that I'm not sure I've felt for a while (if ever) as I read those words that my sister so earnestly wrote herself. I felt stronger. I felt my father there. I don't know how to describe it correctly, but I did.
Since yesterday it's been raining nonstop, and I remembered something someone told me when I was leaving Japan and it was raining: the skies are crying for you. And I feel it was the same today. The skies were crying for my father, just as we all were. However, at the end of that program the rain had ended, and the sun had come out. I will not give into my sorrow, but rather allow my father's plentiful achievements to be the fuel that drives me forward, because I know that is what he wished of me, and of all the people whose lives he had touched. It is no mistake that the flags in Ghana are at half-staff due to his departure. He was a beautiful person, and if I could just achieve a fraction of what he did in his life, I will be content.
Rest in Peace, Yakubu Saaka. And just you watch, Daddy, I will make you proud. Because of you and my mother, I am who I am right now, and I will honor that gift every day of my life.
Pass a Secret Note ✘ Meme
Because I like these types of memes.
This weekend has been a long, tiresome ordeal. But yet, for the first time in the past two weeks I've felt some peace of mind.
I'm at home right now until Monday, and we just got done with the funeral and services for my late father. It's amazing how you can fool yourself that things are going fine but when you confront the issue at hand it becomes all the more painful. While I was at school I thought things were going relatively fine, but it didn't take more than an hour or so back at home to fall apart once more. These past days have been so painful, I can't even describe it all...but it all really needed to happen.
I think it was yesterday when we got to view the body before we buried it that I realized that...that wasn't my father. It wasn't. Gone was the life and the smile and the joy that I had so associated with him...it was just what was left of the vessel that housed him while he was here with us. Nonetheless, that didn't stop me from going into near hysterics today when we finally put the casket into the ground. I guess it was was so upsetting because it was at that moment that we all had to realize that he really was gone. I was miserable for most of today until it was time for the program the college had set up to honor my father had started.
As we went into the auditorium I realized that it was nearly full. This was an auditorium I remember using for my orchestra concerts in high school--the amount of people there was astounding. And they were all there for my father. Because he had made an impact on all of their lives. Throughout the program we heard countless testimonies and stories from people--some we knew, some we didn't--recounting their memories of my father, and just what he meant to them. I always knew that my father knew a lot of people, but to actually see (and see just how important he was in so many people's lives) this all was amazing. I'm not even conveying it right...suffice it to say that for one man to successfully take on as many roles as my father did is remarkable. The son of Northern Ghanaian royalty, it is amazing that that title is probably the least relevant label in relation to his actual life.
Among my three other siblings we were trying to figure out who was going to read the tribute for my father that my older sister wrote in front of everyone. I originally outright refused because it seemed that it was taking all the will in my body to keep me from falling apart. However, as time neared for us to go up, I realized that not presenting this tribute would be more of a disservice to my father and myself than avoiding it, so I decided to go up and speak on behalf of all of his children. And you know what? I didn't cry, not once. To be honest, I felt a calmness that I'm not sure I've felt for a while (if ever) as I read those words that my sister so earnestly wrote herself. I felt stronger. I felt my father there. I don't know how to describe it correctly, but I did.
Since yesterday it's been raining nonstop, and I remembered something someone told me when I was leaving Japan and it was raining: the skies are crying for you. And I feel it was the same today. The skies were crying for my father, just as we all were. However, at the end of that program the rain had ended, and the sun had come out. I will not give into my sorrow, but rather allow my father's plentiful achievements to be the fuel that drives me forward, because I know that is what he wished of me, and of all the people whose lives he had touched. It is no mistake that the flags in Ghana are at half-staff due to his departure. He was a beautiful person, and if I could just achieve a fraction of what he did in his life, I will be content.
Rest in Peace, Yakubu Saaka. And just you watch, Daddy, I will make you proud. Because of you and my mother, I am who I am right now, and I will honor that gift every day of my life.
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